The Blues

Whenever I go shopping I buy myself a case of the blues. Looking around at all of these things that are on "sale" and could make my life easier just reminds me that I have no clue what I want. I am hungry and a little nervous to see people I have not talked to in months. All these things are giving me the blues. Its not too bad, its good to listen to music with a little more feeling and soul. Gets me thinking about the abyss of depression and the darkness of its depths. Its a trap for someone who works, eats, and sleeps and has no clue of how to find that peace of mind that comes with patience and discipline. I wish it were easy to simply pop back into thinking like a champ, having an adventurous sprit, and enjoying the challenge. Instead right now I am thinking. I am challenged every day with 16 kids that I am probably failing in what little I can educate to them and I have no idea what kind of meaning it brings me. But it does, it is just subtle and in the current of the deep waters. Discipline to do the things I want to do for myself, like get outside in the trees and jumping over the brooks or watching the sunrise or sunset. Things like talking to friends and family regularly, like feeling satisfied at the end of the day saying, "I worked my ass off today." In the end, what else could be asked of a person other than for them to try their hardest. To keep moving and looking for an up or down when you are confronted with doubt. I feel intelligent for asking myself if I am doing the right thing. I at least have my foot in the water looking for a swim rather than thirsting in the desert. I like analogies. I like books too. I am going to try and read one. Expect more updates...I will continue with them for as long as I can.