The Blues

Whenever I go shopping I buy myself a case of the blues. Looking around at all of these things that are on "sale" and could make my life easier just reminds me that I have no clue what I want. I am hungry and a little nervous to see people I have not talked to in months. All these things are giving me the blues. Its not too bad, its good to listen to music with a little more feeling and soul. Gets me thinking about the abyss of depression and the darkness of its depths. Its a trap for someone who works, eats, and sleeps and has no clue of how to find that peace of mind that comes with patience and discipline. I wish it were easy to simply pop back into thinking like a champ, having an adventurous sprit, and enjoying the challenge. Instead right now I am thinking. I am challenged every day with 16 kids that I am probably failing in what little I can educate to them and I have no idea what kind of meaning it brings me. But it does, it is just subtle and in the current of the deep waters. Discipline to do the things I want to do for myself, like get outside in the trees and jumping over the brooks or watching the sunrise or sunset. Things like talking to friends and family regularly, like feeling satisfied at the end of the day saying, "I worked my ass off today." In the end, what else could be asked of a person other than for them to try their hardest. To keep moving and looking for an up or down when you are confronted with doubt. I feel intelligent for asking myself if I am doing the right thing. I at least have my foot in the water looking for a swim rather than thirsting in the desert. I like analogies. I like books too. I am going to try and read one. Expect more updates...I will continue with them for as long as I can.

Blogging from my brothers

Well, I have had a few days off and now set my goals to find a way to pull myself out of another case of the lazies.  Things are well and I enjoyed my time with Michael last night. Watched a movie, played a game, got some ice cream, talked a bit...pretty perfect if you ask me. Was able to see some friends and looking forward to talking to more soon. Headed down to Winona tomorrow to see what kind of trouble I can round up with people there. Glad for such little expectations but I am starting towards all the school work due for last marking period next week. Finally finding some time to think, which is always fun and troublesome. Peace be to you. 

Wrote a poem about seasonal affective disorder. My sympathies to you if you suffer it...

Gray skies all around

pulling my frown further down

winters cold is biting deep

frozen tears stop, so I cant weep

the day is short and the night long

when a SAD spell has hit so strong

Not really sure what prompted me to write it...

Home for Christmas

Well, I am back home for Christmas with the family. I am finding more rest and less expected of me that I have felt in five months. Its great! I am doing well enjoying talking to friends and family about all the going-0ns of Browning. I have some great news about school. I have moved on from my position as PE teacher (a job I was coming to master) and have become the sixth grade head teacher. This is a move of which I was not expecting but hoping for and was sprung on me but am more than ready for. Already after a week of classes I can tell I will find much more meaning out of this job. Also, the basketball team I am coaching with my roommate and now full time PE teacher Jon is doing very well. At the moment I am looking at another year in Browning but am of course unsure of what I am doing for sure next year. I am enjoying myself at the moment, just wishing I could make more time for contacting friends and family. I am working hard as usual in the labor of the lord as I like to say, so hopefully those wishes can be fulfilled in time and my friends remain understanding. Merry Christmas to all. Hope you are well and with loved ones.

Charlie